Fatherhood
“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“No, I won’t.”
Child hurts themself.
Repeat.
Happy wife, happy life!
Happy dad… yeah, nobody really cares.
Band-aides are the most expensive stickers!
Life with a newborn is like being a surgeon who’s constantly on call: you only sleep in 20 minute increments and you’re usually elbow deep in bodily fluids.
Luckily my kids are addicted to television, otherwise I’d have nothing to blackmail them with.
I used to take power naps before a big night out, now I take them so I can rage at 3am with a cranky newborn.
When you’re a princess, but you also maybe just pooped your diaper.
“Have kids,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said.
CSI: Bathtime
If we won $500 million in the Lottery, my wife would find a way to spend $501 million.
The DadLands Podcast
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